A Text

From Last Night:

The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karaoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted, ” You pissed Jesus off when you messed with Conway! “

I'm Going To Tweet The Hell Outta This

Guess who is back on the Twitter-Verse?

Adrienne!

Greeeaaattt.

Follow us at @ConvosWithShaw

Put Your Pants On And Get Out Of That Ditch

If you were a dirty Cop and you pulled someone over and they said they would do anything for you, just please don’t give them a ticket, what would you do?

Alise: I would get them to complete a Hundred Yard Dash from the car and back totally nude. Then I would tell them to get back in the car so we could drag race.
I would then give them two tickets. One for indecent exposure, and one for speeding.

Adrienne: I think I would say: Ok, you don’t want a ticket? Let me see what I can do.
I go back to my car and sneak out to the woods, kill a drifter and bring him to the guys window and say: Do you know anything about this? Then I harass him until he says he did it.
I would throw him in jail for life and tell his prison-mates that he has a broom-stick fetish.

And Here We Are Now.

… And then she said,
Yeah, but I dont think I’d know what crack looks like.

And then I said,
Well I do…
And here we are now. 

I could have been doing crack this whole time, and my mom never would have known.